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Friday, December 24, 2010

Money matters! I know that now.

When I was a little girl all I wanted when I grow up was a family of my own. I was not ambitious at all, I was not worried about money or house or anything. All I was looking forward to when I grow up was a nice life without all the thing mentioned above. 
But today, it's Christmas eve and everyone is planning to go out but I dont have any money. I am so broke that even if you squeeze my purse not a single dim will fall out of it. See that is my condition but not to offend my parents who fills up my pocket every month (they will kill me if they see this). 
Then to my rescue, my younger brother who is still a student called me up to say that he was coming to stay with me. And I came to my usual sister form and asked him for money. Note* he is still a student. imagine how embarrassing that was for me. 
Now I realise that I want MONEY, I want HOUSE and I am WANT to be SOMEONE. At this point it's hell to a family that I always wanted. At the age of 23, I do care about the money I have at the end of the month in my purse. I care if I dont have fuel in my ALTO which is Vxi for your information..he he he... and to buy cloths and accessories that I want. 
I am a normal girl, who is in her early 20's and wanting to be someone, some where.    

Monday, December 20, 2010

Drying Money in the $UN

Angay Gyem is 83 and angay thinks she is still strong because she drinks Horlicks.. Which is true:)
Yesterday angya (grandma) and I spend a wonderful time together doing the most messy thing in the world. We were cutting the meat and drying it in the sun (Bhutanese style).
It has been long since we have spend time together, I went to college then shifted to Thimphu for job. We have been living in Paro for almost 25 years and all the while I was my angay's favorite granddaughter. There was  time when I couldn't sleep without her and now I live in a 2bhk all alone. I use to wonder lying beside her, what if she is gone then who will i sleep with. This was the most feared thought I had.
I went to a boarding school and my grandma went crying to the principal because she knew I could not sleep alone. She asked him to let me stay with her and she promised that she would make sure that I went to the school regularly.
It has been five years since then and I almost forgot the incident. She is 83 now but still strong and willing to do all the chores by herself. Few days back mom had bought 100kg of beef to make shakam and she agreed to take up the task. Though she was the one who agreed to do it,  I was the one who was at loss because she dragged me into it. I was outside the house cutting meat, helping her to dry them. It took us the entire day and I had gone there to spend my weekend as usual.
We sat there and started to work on the meat. Angay was sitting right beside me and started to talk about all the old time we had together. She said, "I think now you should spend some more time with me, I feel lonely." The moment she said that, I was hurt, it made me feel like was the WORST granddaughter that one could have.
Then something very hilarious happened, we were so busy with the meat and the talking that we did not notice a dog stealing the meat. My grandmom jumped out of her skin to chase the dog and said, "This is not meat, it's money."
For her noting was funny in it but for me to see her say that was the most funniest and the cutest thing in the world. That instant I captured her in my mind. After that she asked me to go to a neighbors house to steal bamboo canes because we were running out of them to dry the meat. I was like no, I wont go there, it's stealing and she was, "It's not stealing, it borrowing." She had the most beautiful explanation for that, "The sun is still up so it is not considered stealing it's borrowing with out asking and anyways, we will keep them back."
Both of use smelled of wet beef all over our bodies and had a good laugh after a very long time.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

was Cinderella a liar? hummmm!

I am reading a book named, "Cinderella was a liar" and I was so intrigued by it. This book is about how we, specially the women have built our hope around fairy tale and is alway looking for our knight to rescue us. I was once like that, I always believed that my prince charming is out there and I will meet him someday, in that hope I met with lots of men and failed to be with anyone. Looking back at it, I was looking for my prince charming in them, which was out of the question. But now, I tell people there is nothing such a prince charming but i know deep down that I still am waiting for one.
Flipping through the magazines and watching movies, I see lots of happy couples in the world but when I look around me then I find men and women cheating on each other and always fighting. This sometimes makes me wanna give up the hope of meeting my prince charming. 
Then one day, a friend bought this book, "Cinderella was a liar" and she passed it on to me. At first, I was like, aite the author is one agitated and over the world kinds a person. Then as I turned the pages, she says, women always try and look for something that is not there and fail to see what they have it right infront of them. 
We are so lost in looking for a perfect guy that we ignore the ones that are there for us. Then I look at the mirror in search of self inner reflection and to my surprise I found out that i am among those women. I dated so many wonderful men but failed to see my prince charming in them, I was blinded by the fairy tale of knights and white shining armor suite.     
When you call Cinderella a liar, it not that she injected the hope of becoming a princess from a maid to meeting a prince and living happily even after. Its just that, not all the prince that we meet will be holding a glass slipper which is of your size. He might be holding a size 6 but your feet is like size 7. The whole idea behind is that whether you are willing to take the size 6 shoe and make it yours and accept that person with all the faults. In the movie, Cinderella it is just still the prince and the princesses get married after that it is the end. Nobody knows that happened to them. It is said that they live happily ever after but I did not see it and neither did you. It's like in the real world. You meet a couple, they seem just fine together, holding hand and nothing seems to be wrong but who know they are the most unhappy couple in the world. 
if Cinderella was a liar and we are no different then her. 

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

blogs and what i write

This is the first time i will be writing something that will be read by everyone. Yes, i am journalist and i write articles but they are just facts and figures. What i write are not personal and it does not allow you to be personal with your work. I have tough time writing what i really fell because i am afraid that others will know it and they might know me well. Actually i am a free spirited person, dont normally care what others say or do and most of the time its my way or the high way. But when it come down to my writing, i get conscious and very nervous.
I have been writing it down in my diary for several years now and have been making sure that no one reads it. i have this strong tendency of writing negative thoughts or about bad things that have happened to me in my diary. I share good thoughts with my friend but keep the bad to myself. May be that is one of the reasons why i burn them after i finish writing it.
this is my first attempt on writing it online or in a place where people can read my thoughts or even know me better. I think i am a step ahead now from what i am and what i use to be. As i am writing this thought down, it is making me realise that to share is to let go. To have faith, confidence and to love yourself is the most important thing and if you dont love yourself then you dont deserve to be loved. I think i am letting go of the phobia to write online and let people read.
I know a lot of people who express themselves through their facebook status and let the other person know what they are going through but that is not the case with me. i just write about what i have noticed and most of the time my status box is empty.
This is just the baby step..